Have I become less romantic?
I think I may be losing to reality…
Definitely not as oblivious as I used to be.
Well, this has its ups and downs.
I guess I’m living my life…
I think I’m more realistic about things.
Silver lining’s still there.
It’s just not my ultimatum.
=\
TRYHARD.
What am I doing? What do I even want.. this =\ =\ =\ ..to be?
See, even this seems to me like .. not a waste of time, but I’m much less concerned than I used to be before. Not romantic anymore :(/:)
さようなら « SAYONARA » …I’ve never been good at good-byes…
Enjoy “For Good” (I typed “food good” at first…) from WICKED the musical.
(…And prepare to be enchanted. Tissues out, everyone.)
——————————————————————————————————-
ELPHABA: I’M LIMITED… JUST LOOK AT ME. I’M LIMITED…
AND JUST LOOK AT YOU – YOU CAN DO ALL I COULDN’T DO, GLINDA…
SO NOW IT’S UP TO YOU… For both of us. NOW IT’S UP TO YOU…
GLINDA: I’VE HEARD IT SAID THAT PEOPLE COME INTO OUR LIVES FOR A REASON
BRINGING SOMETHING WE MUST LEARN, AND WE ARE LED TO THOSE WHO
HELP US MOST TO GROW IF WE LET THEM, AND WE HELP THEM IN RETURN
WELL, I DON’T KNOW IF I BELIEVE THAT’S TRUE
BUT I KNOW I’M WHO I AM TODAY BECAUSE I KNEW YOU…
LIKE A COMET PULLED FROM ORBIT AS IT PASSES A SUN
LIKE A STREAM THAT MEETS A BOULDER HALFWAY THROUGH THE WOOD
WHO CAN SAY IF I’VE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER?
BUT BECAUSE I KNEW YOU I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR GOOD…
ELPHABA: IT WELL MAY BE THAT WE WILL NEVER MEET AGAIN IN THIS LIFETIME
SO LET ME SAY BEFORE WE PART, SO MUCH OF ME IS MADE OF WHAT I LEARNED FROM YOU
YOU’LL BE WITH ME LIKE A HANDPRINT ON MY HEART
AND NOW WHATEVER WAY OUR STORIES END
I KNOW YOU HAVE RE-WRITTEN MINE BY BEING MY FRIEND…
LIKE A SHIP BLOWN FROM ITS MOORING BY A WIND OFF THE SEA
LIKE A SEED DROPPED BY A SKYBIRD IN A DISTANT WOOD
WHO CAN SAY IF I’VE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER?
BUT BECAUSE I KNEW YOU…
GLINDA: BECAUSE I KNEW YOU…
BOTH: I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR GOOD…
ELPHABA: AND JUST TO CLEAR THE AIR I ASK FORGIVENESS
FOR THE THINGS I’VE DONE YOU BLAME ME FOR
GLINDA: BUT THEN, I GUESS WE KNOW THERE’S BLAME TO SHARE
BOTH: AND NONE OF IT SEEMS TO MATTER ANYMORE
GLINDA (ELPHABA)
LIKE A COMET PULLED FROM ORBIT (LIKE A SHIP BLOWN OFF ITS MOORING)
AS IT PASSES THE SUN (FROM A WIND OFF THE SEA)
LIKE A STREAM THAT MEETS A BOULDER (LIKE A SEED DROPPED)
HALF-WAY THROUGH THE WOOD (BY A BIRD IN THE WOOD)
BOTH: WHO CAN SAY IF I’VE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER?
I DO BELIEVE I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER
GLINDA: AND BECAUSE I KNEW YOU…
ELPHABA: BECAUSE I KNEW YOU…
BOTH: BECAUSE I KNEW YOU… I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR GOOD
Take care … お元気でね。
DEAR BELOVED SECRET BLOG OF MINE…
I borderline want to share you… but I just can’t do it… you’re too private :X
Besides, who will care? Plus, certain people may make undesirable connections…
OOOOH HOW THE PAST HAUNTS ME NOW! LOL! *dramatic fail pose*
I made you as an outlet for myself… and I’m so glad for it.
That not many people I know know of you was my desire!
And it’s worked blissfully for that purpose.
You’re my personal blog, anyways.
So I will keep it that way.
A secret. Ta-ta!
Love Always,
KTHX
Sometimes I get really irritable. I hate it when that happens, because then I will invariably find myself on an extremely negative and emotional roller coaster. One second I’ll want hugs, the next I’ll snap at you if you interrupt my silence, then I’ll have this urge to physically destroy something, or go into solitary emo mode where all I want to do is curl up in a corner and drown in an abyss of loneliness. When that happens, I automatically assume that it’s nearing my time of the month. Well, that’s an excuse. But it’s sometimes true. Anyways.. I think about all the people who must care about me, even if I’m not their #1. I try to think that my unhappiness would only cause the people I care about to worry, and since my mantra is to “LIVE FOR OTHERS,” I strain myself to be happy again, and it usually works, with a little bit of help :) I went through it today. But I got out of that sorry slump, thank goodness!
That concept of being someone’s #1… I can’t help it. Maybe it’s some sort of “spotlight complex” or whatever. I can only really explain it as trying to be everyone’s best friend. At least, that’s sort-of what I kind-of did in the past? But without that intention!!! and NOT for the sake of attention! What I mean is, I HAD BEST FRIENDS. But that relation is lost to me now. This sort of ‘best friends’ were friendships where I was on the receiving end of being considered very close, but in my heart they would not be the first to come to mind when I thought of my ‘best friends category.’ After all, I met many people. I made many friends. Friends who may have have held more regard in me than that which I held for them. Make sense…? Not that I didn’t consider them good friends, but I was clouded. My nature is to be open to people, nice, attentive, and I care about their issues, no matter if I know them or not, because I am a listener, and an empathetic one. Now, it’s easier :) It is no longer that way. I no longer try so hard to procure lofty friendships. I see who my true friends really are, which is super bon, because my old definition of a “friend” was literally if we are acquainted with each other then we are friends! HA. I still have a little trouble adjusting to the realization that BEST FRIENDS don’t exist, though. That’s where the #1 issue comes back. Thing is, even my closest friends… if they don’t have boyfriends, they have their ‘original’ group of friends, who they’ve known for longer, so naturally they are closer. I’m the odd one out (because I have let go), again (because I (was?) let go). I wish I could travel back in time to the days of grade 10… those were good years, before drama kicked in for still unveiled reasons to me… Do I even want to know her side of it? Nyeh, but not like it matters much anymore. Point is, I don’t have a person who’s literally my #1 anymore. Even if at times I consider a person to come close, something will make me realize even if they are priority to me, I am not theirs. Then I think is it worth it since they are my CENTRE but I’m only by their SIDE? But there isn’t a scale to measure this sort of thing by, right? Love, no matter whether romantic, platonic, or familial etc. should be UNCONDITIONAL ALWAYS. My ex-bff was that person for me, my numero uno. Which makes me think, will my eventual BF be my BFF as well? Probably. I think I treated my BFF like how I would a BF, ignoring the gender difference, of course. But…I wouldn’t know. I can only surmise because I feel like the expectations, trust, considerations, time spent together and all that shiz between BFFs… are pretty much akin to what a relationship would be like. Another reason why there’s probably so much conflict between BFFs and BFs in the world :P All in all… I guess… I miss having a #1 and being someone’s #1. Sometime ago I fell, and became a substitute. After I got over that, I could only promote myself to being a back-up. Different situations. Why did I fall? When will I rise again?
Uh, anyway, I got way off topic. My intention for posting was to declare my goal for this summer: to master Beethoven’s Piano Sonata No. 8 in C-, Opus 13 ;) More commonly known as SONATA PATHETIQUE. Actually, I already know the 2nd movement (adagio cantabile) and the opening of the 3rd (allegro) but I’ve never touched the 1st :) I’m excited. I absolutely love this piece. Perfection will be my staircase to climb! I will make it. The pinnacle…of light. P.S. I HAVE AMPHAROS x3 tehehehehe <3 <3 <3
Thank you for the encouragement, Niece! <3
I believe in us :) Hehe! BTW, why don’t you take 155 with me instead of 153? They’re the same lecture, only 153 has a lab… unless that is a necessary requirement for you? @_@ If it’s just for science credit, why take up an extra 3 hours during your summer? :< *confused*
On another note, I really want to drop out of school.
Why? SO I CAN TRAIN POKEMON FUCK YEAH!
Haha, just kidding. I love school. Uhhh but only if what I’m learning is interesting to me. For example, right now I’m reading Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen, and I’m not enjoying it very much. Sure, the character analysis are entertaining enough, but compared to Pride and Prejudice, S+S a tedious read… I’d much rather read FANFICTION about S+S, from CCS ;) heheh. いい成績を取りたいので、がんばることにしましたね！
I have so many scattered thoughts that I want to spill onto paper (or… secret blog, in this case… TEHEHE…) but that’d take me a while, and time is MONEY…whiiiiich I’m not making :( Sigh. LATER! :) GOGOGO! TIME TO BECOME A POKEMON MASTER… I mean, study :$ :$
